Learn more about NVC
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can be described as a communication model to promote contact and cooperation. People use NVC in many different settings and it can be seen from several different perspectives. Some people use NVC just as a communication model, a tool to resolve conflicts and to facilitate collaboration. Other people see NVC as a way to relate to life in general. People might have NVC as a spiritual practice, a way to live one’s life.
Life alienating language
Most humans have been brought up in cultures and societies where we learn to judge other people’s behaviors out of moralistic judgement. The majority of us have learnt to behave in ways either to be rewarded or to avoid being punished by people in authority. Most of our institutions are based on principles of reward and punishment. In such a culture, people in authority are not interested that we learn to base our actions in connection to our needs; if they are fulfilled or not. The important thing is to act and behave in a way that we are accepted by others and to comply to the rules of the people in charge
a language of life
If we want to connect to the life in ourselves and in others, we need to learn other skills than to judge one another. When we are in contact with each others feelings and needs we can relate beyond moralistic judgements. NVC is a process that continuously support us in staying in connection. When we are in connection it is much easier to find solutions that meet the involved parties needs.
“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” Marshall B. Rosenberg
The four components
As a way to support contact it helps to pay some attention to what we think about and communicate to people around us. The four components help us to support contact and communication.
The ability to differentiate between observations and interpretations is a skill. Observations are the sensory impressions from events that we share with other people. Especially what we can see and hear.
When we observe events that are going on, either inside or outside of ourselves, our bodies react. We are sensing our feelings regardless if we are aware of them or not.
What we feel depends on our needs. If our needs are fulfilled we feel joyful feelings, for example we can feel happy, satisfied or rested. When our needs are not fulfilled we feel feelings like anger, grief and boredom.
When we are aware of our needs we might want to celebrate that they are fulfilled or to take action trying to fulfill them.
Listening to others and expressing yourself
One of the ways we can use the four components is to receive others with empathy. Regardless if other people’s needs are fulfilled or not we can choose listening to them with empathy.
Another way to use the four components is to express ourselves honestly. When we are affected by other people’s actions we can chose to communicate by revealing our feelings and needs.
Gratitude and acknowledgement
This is my interpretation of the NVC process created by Marshall Rosenberg. I am in deep gratitude to Marshall and his work. I am also very grateful for the work of Friare Liv. I have participated and been assistant in seven of Friare Liv’s one year programs and I have read most of Liv Larsson’s books.